Dating but not exclusive

Consider a man who, at his core, is fundamentally decent, kind and caring, who pays his taxes and tips 25 percent and brings you flowers every time he picks you up for dinner. Wonderful probably possesses the moral rectitude of a garden lizard. Left to his own devices, he will bring flowers to as many women as he possibly can. The logistics of the relationship (as we discussed it last night) are this: Of course (and she and I discussed this) the idea that you can be exclusive, but also ‘not quite boyfriend and girlfriend’ is odd.What’s the difference between being sexually exclusive, and being boyfriend and girlfriend?

The logic behind multi-dating isn’t rooted so much in the need to distract oneself with a bunch of dudes following a breakup (although it totally can be) as it is in what men have long called "playing the field.” And, it's certainly not a new concept.

It's just gotten more buzz ever since Chloe, the infamous party girl and lead character from Of course, I’m not the only 20-something who jumped into a rotation immediately following a breakup.

Nina, a 25-year-old accountant living in Chicago, started hers after a four-year relationship ended. And, Monica*, a 25-year-old producer in New York City, can also echo the experience.

I was pulling one of the sundress straps off her shoulder. “I really like you and want to be exclusive with you. If the guy you’re dating won’t deliver, look elsewhere.

When it comes to exclusivity, if you depend on hints to ascertain whether your partner is dating anyone else, you’re going to spend a lot of time being surprised. The best way to convey that you’d rather he date only you is to say so. “I can’t keep seeing you unless I know I’m the only one you’re seeing,” is fine. (And any lizard you don’t happen to be sleeping with will agree.) Figure out what you want.

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